The concept that we often "beat ourselves up" is hardly a new one. But, over the past few days I've noticed how much people who are very much into "self improvement" do this. It's ironic to me that in the quest for "enlightenment" and reaching a "better and healthier self", we tend to beat ourselves up even more! Which stresses us out, and makes us feel bad, and uh...how self defeating is that?
In the current "economy", it is certainly easy to do! Whether you have been laid off, are worried about being laid off, or are a business owner trying to figure out how to make it all work, it's enough to stress out even the most zen among us!
I recently was on a group coaching call and the lady that I listened to ran through an entire litany of not only how she wasn't doing what she should be doing to improve her business, but also all of the things that she should have done during the "boom years".
I spoke with someone else today who was recently laid off, and figuring out what to do next. As if that isn't enough to think about, he was commenting on how he was eating and drinking things that he shouldn't.
We all do it without even realizing it! For the last two weeks I've been all about how much more "productive I should've been".
Here's another irony- I just did a video on "stepping in poop" and here I am blogging about how we "should" all over ourselves! HA! I see a pattern here...
Should this, should that...all day long, day after day! We aren't just stepping in it! We are picking it up and carrying it around with us every where we go. And it's garbage... Okay, I'll say it (pun intended!), it's crap! It doesn't serve us, and most of what we "should about" is someone else's idea of what we "should do" anyway! It's all a story we made up based on someone else's "issues"!
"They" say this and "they" say that. "They" say that we shouldn't eat certain foods, "They" say that we should be stay at home moms, or have a career. "They" say that we should have this, or accomplish that. Most of it's not even real! Most of it is just someone else's crap!
It reminds me of something that I wrote earlier this year. It kind of "sums it all up" (see below).
Read it, then make your own list of all the "shoulds" in your head. After you laugh at the absurdity of it all, mark out all of the ones that you refuse to buy into, and keep only the ones that truly reflect what matters to you! Then work on those, remind yourself that you are human, and therefore imperfect, but that you are getting better and better every day! And vow to never "should on yourself again!"
Changing the Story
Our lives are filled with stories.
Some we read, some we hear.
Most, we make up.
As little girls we read about princesses with knights in shining armor.
As women we read magazines full of “perfect women”.
They seem so real that they become ”our” reality
We try to escape our own “reality” by watching stories on TV about like survivor and Desperate Housewives.
We eagerly watch people on the news fighting against crime, and hunger, and war
We try to fill our souls with these stories about other people doing great things and making a difference.
We do this because our stories are not as exciting.
Because the story that we tell ourselves is:
“I’m not enough”
“I’m not amazing, or beautiful or glamorous or brilliant”
“I can’t handle this!”
“I’m completely stressed out”
“I’m just a mom”
“I am SO unorganized”
“I am broke”
“I have stretch marks, cellulite & fat thighs…”
“I don’t do everything that I am should to do…”
Well, let’s see…if we did everything that we “should”, what would that look like?
We would have to eat healthy foods, grown organically on a free range (whatever that is), not cooked in plastic or aluminum. Preferably vegetarian (or do plants have feelings too?).
We would have to know whether our body’s need for calcium is greater than the perils of consuming dairy.
We would have to do the dishes while conserving water, while saving the landfills by not using paper plates.
We would have to go to the gym without spending too much money, neglecting our husbands, or our work, or our kids and still have time to cook, clean, do laundry and take a shower.
We would have to drive ourselves and everyone else to work, school, the grocery store, and soccer without perpetuating global warming.
We would have to follow a 20 step skin care regime to avoid wrinkles which would cost hundreds of dollars without increasing our debt or using money that should have gone to charity, our retirement, the church, the whales, the hungry, or the homeless.
All of which we would have to do by working at a job that serves a higher good in a business that is environmentally friendly, doesn’t get tax breaks, and employs no one overseas.
We to have a job so that we wouldn’t have to rely on men or welfare & Somehow we would have to do this while being a stay at home mom!
We would have to be beautiful without being vain or using products that are tested on animals or that would harm the environment.
We would have to be erotic and desirable (but only when our husbands wanted us to be).
We would have to avoid skin, breast, ovarian &cervical cancer, a heart attack & stroke by doing a whole litany of things (even though we aren’t really sure what they all are, just that they include consuming flax seeds, green tea, and foods we hate, reducing cholesterol, transfats & oh yeah, stress!)
We would have to clean house every day and keep it spotless using only organic products that don’t work as well, but won’t kill our children or the rain forests.
We would have to be amazing chefs and enjoy fine wine and gourmet meals without becoming fat or alcoholic!
No wonder we feed our souls by watching other people’s stories!
Who could do all of that? You would need a magic wand, a halo, flying broom, wings, a cape and a crown! Just thinking about it makes me so exhausted! All I really want is a nap!
I don’t want to fight anything. I don’t want to survive anything!
I want to learn and grow from all of the glorious blessings this life offers!
I want to inspire peace, love and respect (& if I can only do it in an 8 year old, so be it!)
It’s time to stop watching the story, reading the story or hearing the story…
It’s time to change the story…It’s time to BE the story!
It’s time to be and to inspire women to be thankful and proud that their” fat, flat, or wide ass” can get them out of bed in the morning, carry them through the day and sit them down to that wine and gourmet meal without any guilt!
It’s time for women whose stories aren’t about how they simply survived, but about how they victoriously overcame!
It’s time for more women to have stories like my grandma. Women who will stand up and say, “I don’t care if everybody likes me! No matter what I do, EVERYONE won’t anyway! In someone else’s mind I will always be too fat or too thin, to stern or too nice. That is THEIR story. By making a difference, doing what’s right, standing up for what I believe in, and standing up tall, with my head held high, they will at least respect me”…
That will be MY story, and that will be enough.
HeatherO’
February 23, 2008
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